UPDATE

Wow, I guess it has been a few months, huh?

So, Erika is almost a year old. She's been progressing so much. She loves to blabber, but tends to only do it around those she sees often. She smiles at everyone in the grocery store/walmart, but won't talk to them like hubby & I.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving & Christmas. Olin's parents actually surprised us with a surprise visit from Vegas for the Christmas holiday. They were here about a week. We took them to the aquarium, the beach, Chuck E Cheese, and just enjoyed their time. It was a long drive.

Erika, of course, was extremely spoiled. She got more than her share!

She's cruising around, standing without assistance. She weaned herself off the bottle a week and 2 days ago... She's on whole milk... Table foods *she's my ziggy piggy!* She loves music and getting into trouble by doing things like letting the doggie out of her crate at no-no times!!! :D

We decided about the first week on January that we were going to move to Washington. So, we found a place- and the moving truck comes January 29th *Thursday!* Yes, talk about spur of the moment. Olin is going to be gone a good portion of the year, 3 weeks in Feb. 3 weeks in March. 2 weeks in April. Then gone in May sometimes & won't be home til Dec/Jan. Then in March we will be moving out of state. So, this was great for me & Erika! Be around family (but not living WITH family) for the next year, b/c once we move out of state, we won't know how often our finances will afford traveling home....! I think this will help her, too, I mean- going from daddy every day-- to no daddy at all... BIG CHANGE!

This weekend is just some packing... Well, a LOT of packing.

Okay, well... That's about it!

What can I say?

...Except!

Life is pretty damn good.

--That's all for now.

*sighs*

So, for a long time I thought I had overcome my PPD.

But, as of late, I feel I never really overcame it as much as I ignored it.

And now, it's haunting me.

Life, is getting the best of me b/c of this damn thing they call depression.

I will not go on "happy pills" or depression medication. I feel, IMPO, that depression medication's are overly pre-scribed. There's no doubt that I could probably benefit, but I just don't want to be another statistic or whatever.

I am going to go back to trying St. John's Wort. We'll see how that works. However, that is mainly reccommended for short term like 3-6 months. I don't know if in that period of time I can "overcome" these "obstacles".

People keep asking, "Are you pregnant!?" NO! I'm not pregnant. I don't drink enough water to get pregnant, lol. But, seriously, no.. not pregnant. I need new glasses. I've been so pathetic and lazy, that it's been 2 years since my last appointment, first time in my life I haven't been every year. I'm going in January- and there's no doubt I need new lenses... So I'm gonna get new frames while I'm at it.

I put my glasses on in the morning and within about 10 minutes I have a lingering headache, I'm pretty sure it's my eyes.

Olin's work-up got cancelled for this next week. We're praying the deployment doesn't... b/c that would just mean it would get post-poned, and the timing of this deployment is great. He won't miss anything major, like our anniversary, ball, Thanksgiving or Christmas... and he'll leave right after Erika's first birthday. Thank Heaven's he'll be here for that.

I haven't had much of an appetite in awhile. Not sure why, just been eating small stuff. && not very often.

...i don't feel like writing anymore, so later.

Ham's!!

So, we have this new restaurant. I used to go here all the time with friends back in college, and my senior year of high school, well we moved to Havelock and they had on in James City... well now they opened one up IN HAVELOCK! Like I've said before, I'm pissed they picked Ham's when there is one right there 15 minutes away.. they should've picked something neither NB or MHC had, so more people would come to Havelock and make this town some more money- but hey- it is what it is.

Anyways, a lot of people don't like it ... Which works out to my benefit- now I don't have to worry about seeing anyone I don't like there, the people I do like really enjoy Ham's... the one's I don't... don't... WOOHOO! My Tuesday night is AWESOME!

Anyways...

BACON CHEESE FRIES BABY!

An Update

I always forget to post for my "oh so many" followers. :)

So, an update.

Things are good. No, actually they're great.

I got my eyebrow pierced yesterday, it's pretty rockin'. Christina colored my hair my NATURAL box COLOR today, it's burgundy/red... like it is usually. Ha.

Erika, got her first tooth, through the entire surface, about 2 weeks ago. Now she's chompin' away at everything.

As for "L" and her little friends, "L's" friend, "R", told me flat out it was "T". I really don't care. Who has that much time to make a fake myspace. And the pics she used? OMG! Had she really used those pics in real life, and then met up with someone, they probably would've fell on their a$$ laughing. Fo shizzle, my nizzle. No lie. I mean, who REALLY has that much time? What a great role model for her child, too. Ya know? Like, "I'm a wanna-be home-wrecker kids, be like me when you grow up." *Pukes*... I wonder if her husband knows she was messaging my husband? I wonder if he'd like knowing that his wife was a drama-starting "fill in with random obscenity here". Ugh. Well, now that I know, it doesn't surprise me. But seriously, for those who are friends with her, I mean.. Why? I know everyone can be a good person to people, just like me. I don't get along with everyone, but the people I am friends with get treated amazingly by me. It just takes a lot to become a friend. So I know the same goes for others. I'm not gonna get a long with everyone, but why would anyone, willing be friends with someone who does things like that in their spare time. *pukes again*. Oh my.

Besides all that, things are so amazing. Olin and I are great. Can you believe, in just about a month, we've been married for 2 years? We have a child we worked hard to concieve, that we love very dearly- and are talking of TTC next fall. I mean, life is good. God does work little miracles here and there :) We're not rushing a large family. I, personally, would like to have my normal body back, before I go tackin' on another 30 lbs. I think more people should think like me, lol. Haha, oh boy- if we had a bunch of people running around who thought like me, this world would be PERFECT! Well, not PERFECT, but damn close to! :) Okay, Okay. Maybe that's a bit concieted. But, WHO CARES? Okay, Erika was 8 months old today! Yeah, I know, 8 months! In 4 months we'll be celebrating her First birthday!! And Olin, well, he'll be getting ready to deploy.. (If it doesn't get cancelled, which knowing them, they will cancel it.. poor guy..)... Otherwise, if he doesn't deploy we'll be reserving our hotel in Vegas for his sista's wedding. Fun times! *I think!* But yeah.. Seriously, almost 2 years married. And it's been amazing. *Everyone has their moments, so no, it's not been PERFECT, but if you ain't got problems sometimes... you gotta BIGGER PROBLEMS than you lead on!*

Zoey, our new dog. Wait, I didn't tell you. Yes, we have a new dog, Zoey. She's a Papillon.. and the sweetest lil darn thing in the world. Not to mention, the cutest furball creature. The cat, well, I could throw that cat sometimes.. She likes to claw things- she's gonna get de-clawed the beginning of the year.. Yep, it's already set up!

Erika's first dentist appointment is in New Bern on November 19!!!! Oh! My! Goodness! My big girl!!! I can't believe it! Yeah!

So, hmm.. what else is there? Oh! Olin had his eye appointment, they gave him THE FORM! THE FORM! THE FORM! He's just gotta get it signed by the C/O and send it to LeJeune, and he'll be on the list for the refractive surgery! Which means, NO MORE GLASSES OR CONTACTS FOR THE HUBBY MEISTER! Woot... Just me. ANd let me tell you, I LOVE LOVE LOVE GLASSES. Once I get my dental all finished though (be awhile, including braces time.. can't wait!)... I'll be getting lasik surgery on my eyes. I've been in glasses since 2nd grade.. tried contacts in 8th, not for me.. Something about poking myself in the eye is not very appealing, nor could I do it willingly. But, that will be atleast 2 years, so, not going and getting my hopes up. My eyes still change a lot year to year. I'm nearly blind, I'm pretty close to legally blind.. so.. FUN!

Well, it's 1120 pm, I'm going to bed.
I gotta clean tomorrow. LeAnne, Erika's god-father's cousin, my very dear dear dear friend is engaged to a guy in school at Camp Geiger, and she's coming here to visit on Friday- then heading to see her man! We've never met in person.. She's met Olin, and we text and talk non-stop.. so it's super exciting!!! She can see my bruised eyebrow! OH BOY!

Okay.! TIME! FOR! BED! STOP RAMBLING now.. okay, I'll stop!
NITE!

Whirlwind.

That's what I'm having. A WHIRLWIND of emotions.

Life is great, don't get me wrong.

But since the beginning of summer, I've lost 2 friends. Joel Allen Taylor (June 24th) and Michael Wayne Murdock (September 11th). It seems "the sandbox" takes it's fair share. I know it's life. I know the possibility of it happening was high when they signed up, but it's still hard to take in. It still hasn't fully sunken in yet that they are gone, for good, no returning.

Then, I see my daughter, a whopping 7 months old, yet so independent. It's wonderful, but so sad at the same time. My little munchkin, is no longer so little any longer. Before I know it she'll be running around with the best of them & screaming bloody murder for daddy if he ever gets deployed, that is a day I never wish to come.

Olin & I are well. It's been 2 years we've been together. (As of Sept. 8, Sept 11 was the day he proposed, and Sept 6 the day we met, in person.). 2 years of marriage as of November 11th. Wow, where did time go? We have made some memories, that's for sure.

My parents... well, that's up in the air. With my dad's hip replacement he keeps post-poning and the possibility of them moving, well, things are just a whirlwind with them as well. I just pray the VA would get off their ass and grant my dad full disability. He needs it. It's disgraceful to see some people get granted full 100% disability and go on working and living a full life, and my dad- can barely move and usually lies around most days b/c he's in so much pain from everything that ails him, and the VA just wants to push him around. Ugh.

I'm down to a size 2 in American Eagle Jeans... I was a size 0 before I got pregnant. I think I'm doing pretty well!

I'm doing my crunches all the time, and I'd say sometime between Erika's 1st & 2nd birthday we'll start trying for another baby, who knows.. maybe later. But, it's an option now. We have a VAN!

Woot, I've been planning her 1st birthday!!! I've got the date, time, location, and cake picked out. Pretty much got food picked out. Have some invitations already made out. Just gotta get decorations.

Time is flying!

7/17/2003 Some Days

I wrote this in July of 2003, shortly before I started my sophmore year of high school.



Some Days
Some days I say I'm going to be a writer. Not the kind who wears sloppy buns with hairsticks and a beaded eyeglass chain around her neck, and sits and types all day with a cat on her lap. I want to be the writer who travels to Namibia, West Africa, and lives in a village for a few months and writes about life there so the rest of the world can glimpse this hidden place. I want to be the writer who listens to the grief of Afghani women who wonder why no one ever asks them what they want. I want to hear beautiful and tragic stories and tell the world what we are doing right and what needs to change. I want to write words that impact people; make them cry or laugh or shudder. Some days, though, I just want to curl up under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn and watch the latest Brad Pitt movie. Some days I want to be an artist. Maybe the kind who lives in a studio on the fourth floor in a Manhattan apartment building with only a mattress and a refrigerator with pears and peanut butter. Or maybe one who sits on a sunny porch filled with exotic plants, listening to New Age music and dirtying her hands at a pottery wheel. I want to lay canvases out on the floor and splatter blues and reds and yellows across it, but not before meticulously planning where each splatter should go and its size and shape and color. I want to draw bitter women and fearful men, and let my portraits tell their stories. I want people to look at what I create and remember it for an hour, a week, or forever. Most days I want to be the lead singer in a rock band, wear halter-tops and baggy pants, and dye my hair pink. But then I remember I can't sing. And then I want to be a writer again, because by using my own words I can become an artist or a rock 'n' roll chick, or anything else I wish to be. And in my own words I can leave this world for a moment if it becomes too noisy or crowded or scary. I can fall in love when I'm lonely or be loved when I'm forgotten. I can talk to that someone I miss or change a part of the past I regret. I think maybe it's freedom I want above all else. And I think that writing is a good place to start.