Whirlwind.

That's what I'm having. A WHIRLWIND of emotions.

Life is great, don't get me wrong.

But since the beginning of summer, I've lost 2 friends. Joel Allen Taylor (June 24th) and Michael Wayne Murdock (September 11th). It seems "the sandbox" takes it's fair share. I know it's life. I know the possibility of it happening was high when they signed up, but it's still hard to take in. It still hasn't fully sunken in yet that they are gone, for good, no returning.

Then, I see my daughter, a whopping 7 months old, yet so independent. It's wonderful, but so sad at the same time. My little munchkin, is no longer so little any longer. Before I know it she'll be running around with the best of them & screaming bloody murder for daddy if he ever gets deployed, that is a day I never wish to come.

Olin & I are well. It's been 2 years we've been together. (As of Sept. 8, Sept 11 was the day he proposed, and Sept 6 the day we met, in person.). 2 years of marriage as of November 11th. Wow, where did time go? We have made some memories, that's for sure.

My parents... well, that's up in the air. With my dad's hip replacement he keeps post-poning and the possibility of them moving, well, things are just a whirlwind with them as well. I just pray the VA would get off their ass and grant my dad full disability. He needs it. It's disgraceful to see some people get granted full 100% disability and go on working and living a full life, and my dad- can barely move and usually lies around most days b/c he's in so much pain from everything that ails him, and the VA just wants to push him around. Ugh.

I'm down to a size 2 in American Eagle Jeans... I was a size 0 before I got pregnant. I think I'm doing pretty well!

I'm doing my crunches all the time, and I'd say sometime between Erika's 1st & 2nd birthday we'll start trying for another baby, who knows.. maybe later. But, it's an option now. We have a VAN!

Woot, I've been planning her 1st birthday!!! I've got the date, time, location, and cake picked out. Pretty much got food picked out. Have some invitations already made out. Just gotta get decorations.

Time is flying!

7/17/2003 Some Days

I wrote this in July of 2003, shortly before I started my sophmore year of high school.



Some Days
Some days I say I'm going to be a writer. Not the kind who wears sloppy buns with hairsticks and a beaded eyeglass chain around her neck, and sits and types all day with a cat on her lap. I want to be the writer who travels to Namibia, West Africa, and lives in a village for a few months and writes about life there so the rest of the world can glimpse this hidden place. I want to be the writer who listens to the grief of Afghani women who wonder why no one ever asks them what they want. I want to hear beautiful and tragic stories and tell the world what we are doing right and what needs to change. I want to write words that impact people; make them cry or laugh or shudder. Some days, though, I just want to curl up under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn and watch the latest Brad Pitt movie. Some days I want to be an artist. Maybe the kind who lives in a studio on the fourth floor in a Manhattan apartment building with only a mattress and a refrigerator with pears and peanut butter. Or maybe one who sits on a sunny porch filled with exotic plants, listening to New Age music and dirtying her hands at a pottery wheel. I want to lay canvases out on the floor and splatter blues and reds and yellows across it, but not before meticulously planning where each splatter should go and its size and shape and color. I want to draw bitter women and fearful men, and let my portraits tell their stories. I want people to look at what I create and remember it for an hour, a week, or forever. Most days I want to be the lead singer in a rock band, wear halter-tops and baggy pants, and dye my hair pink. But then I remember I can't sing. And then I want to be a writer again, because by using my own words I can become an artist or a rock 'n' roll chick, or anything else I wish to be. And in my own words I can leave this world for a moment if it becomes too noisy or crowded or scary. I can fall in love when I'm lonely or be loved when I'm forgotten. I can talk to that someone I miss or change a part of the past I regret. I think maybe it's freedom I want above all else. And I think that writing is a good place to start.

Newness!

So, I got a new van! Yep, sure did! I got it Thursday! Well, Olin it got it... FOR ME! He's so sweet, and knows just the right time to spoil me!! :) I love my life, I'm not sure my life could get any better. Honestly, what more could I ask for? I have a wonderful husband & daughter, nice forms of transportation, a house, food, clothing, family, friends. I mean, I have everything && more! It's wonderful, I'll say that!

But yeah, Thursday, Johnny bought me a 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan. It's got Stow & Go Seating, seats 7, has a power driver's seat, and just SOOOO much! Oh, it's got tinted windows! YAY! I said that the next vehicle I got HAD TO HAVE tinted windows, and my man made sure to see to it that it did! I couldn't ask for more! I love it!

Well, I have lots to do today. Gotta go to the Naval Clinic, WIC office, Blockbuster, meet a woman who wants some stuff I'm selling, Clean up the house, clean out the entertainment center so we can move it (rearranging)... Goodness, I know there's more, too!

Write more when I do.

School!

So I start taking my Income Tax Preparation Course with Jackson Hewitt on Tuesday. It will be held Tuesday & Thursday nights from 6-9 pm until the beginning of December. I'm way excited, maybe I'll work for them this upcoming tax season and make a bit of extra cash... The course itself is free, but I have to pay for my books, which is $90. Not bad though if you ask me! This will be some good quality ME time! I'm excited! Gainin' some knowledge!

Labor Day Weekend.

So! It's been a super long Labor Day Weekend! And it's been superb! Seriously! Friday night we went to a party, and Olin got pretty hammered. I took care of Erika & stayed sober, but I had a blast playing SingStar. Saturday, Olin slept in, and we went to G-Vegas to eat at Sappari's. Not bad, but a bit pricey for my everyday liking. Which is precisely why we don't eat there! Sunday we went to MHC and went to Ross & Michael's. Got our movie pass back so we're living LARGE. Lol. Monday we had a labor day bbq with some folks over. Not a bad turn out, and we had fun so it's all good. Well, that night *Monday* I was coming back from BB's & the damn deuschbag PMO guy wrote me a citation b/c my inspection tag had JUST expired. Like it went out in August, and it was September 1st! What a fag! So, we went today *Tuesday* and had the Saturn & Mazda inspected! Then I went to the traffic court office on base and they wrote it off as a warning b/c I got it inspected before coming in. Loser faces.

So, I took a nap, b/c you know cramping girly stuff monthly crap started today, so.. first time in a WHILE I've felt icky b/c of it... the nap felt good, but I started breaking out in a sweat and had to get up. Can't freeze the house b/c of the kid! Olin's workin' out at the gym, so I'm just waiting on him so we can go walking.

Waiting on the news.

Family.

I consider friends, family. However, w/ friends, if they screw up- I could choose to just let them out of my life. There is no blood that ties us together. But, most of the time, we always find a way to work things out, well, with some people. Like, Christina. We've been friends many a year, and no matter what drama llama shit comes up, it may take a few months, but we're right back to finishing each other sentences, & connected at the hip. Missed it.

It takes a long time to make a friend like that. And I'm having a hard time letting other people get that close. Christina & I know EVERYTHING about each other. With the short amount of time we're stationed in one location, there's no way one person could know me, or I know them, the way Christina and I do. I mean, I don't think it's possible. But, it's worth a try right? We can learn new things about each other, right?

It's so hard for me to open up to new people. Hell, it's hard for me to open up to myself! Lol! New people scare me. Lol. Folks just aren't who they seem. It takes a LONG time to get past the initial briefing of creating a friendship, and when it comes down to the nitty gritty, how many folks are going to put up with BS from each other the way your TRUE friends do? Not many.

This is really a meaningless post. Just some stuff I've been thinking about. A "friend" that Christina and I BOTH tried to be friends with has turned out to prove us RIGHT about folks, they lie. And lie some more. Just to keep you in their life. And then when they fuck it up for the last time, you're like shit- now I don't know WHO I can trust. And it makes it that much harder for the next person to get close to you.

Okay. More at a later time.